The plight of a Conforming Non-Conformist

When I was a little girl, one of my favorite books was Harriet the Spy.

In one of the books, in 9 year old Harriet’s voice, a chapter opens with:

‘I am a non-conformist.’

I didn’t even know what a non-conformist was, but I knew I desperately wanted to be one. Or at least believe something with conviction, like Harriet, and then state it with confidence.

But that never happened, well, not exactly.

I’ve always desperately wanted to be different but at exactly the same time I have wanted to be just like everyone else.

I love edgy, fringy-type stuff and things (and people) that do not fit into the box of what society ‘says’ we are to do/say/think. I have always rubbed up against all that but never really taken the step to completely join in or claim anything as my own. Probably because I love all things pop culture and silly and cute. I love fitting in, the ideal being ‘popular,’ and cute boys. 😉 It seems as though you cannot do both, conform AND non-conform.

So where does a gal like me go? Where is my tribe?

I claim nothing. I feel democrats and republicans have worthy things to say but feel neither is really what we need. I love wearing black (a lot) and big, chunky shoes but also love floral retro/vintage girly dresses. I once slam-danced (but it hurt! owwww!) and LOVE loud heavy metal and punk rock. But I also sing at the top of my lung to Kelly Clarkson and Justin Timberlake and can sing pretty much any Top 40 song on the radio right now (message me and I will give you my phone number and I will sing for you! I’m a wicked good singer). I will eat a salad as big as beach ball and spent many years preaching the benefits of raw food but these days I eat an occasional burger! I went many years without a television and will sometimes not watch tv for many weeks but I am currently deep into the latest Keeping Up With The Kardashians season on E.

The list goes on and on.

So I decided to claim it. Whatever ‘it’ is.

I am a Conforming Non-Conformist!

I embrace all my likes and dislikes and I’m happy for you and all you love or do not love.

I think our society loves a label and many folks feel super comfy when they can join something and feel part of something. I get that totally because I feel that way too. But never enough to join in or wave any kind of flag. I can’t pigeon hole myself into a ‘thing.’ I love it all!

Sometimes it is lonely because there’s not a tribe to fit in with or a group to hang out with where you feel like ‘these are my PEOPLE!’

BUT I love my friends and their diverse personalities and the fact they they put up with me and all my nut bag-i-ness. And I am loving meeting new people (you know who you are!) who are exploring this world with the same kind of wonder and ‘let’s do this’ attitude.

I think now, in my forties (!!!) I am more comfortable with myself and my sometimes all-over-the-place personality. I am embracing it all and it feels good, as I am beginning to appreciate everything all the more because I am not trying to be cool or fit in or be edgy. Just more of an appreciator of things that I resonate with, whether they be ‘cool’ or ‘edgy’ or ‘normal’ or ‘status quo.’ And while sometimes it is a lil lonely, I don’t feel sad about it, I just think:

IT’S ALL GOOD! As my friend Jodi likes to say.

What are your thoughts?



Joining me in my conforming non-conformist parade of whatever?

Do tell.



Pineapple Green Juice

Last week we went to Cape Cod for a few days and we were able to visit with a good friend (check out his awesome Cape Cod, Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket tote bags here) and his fabulousa wife.

They just bought a new bangin’ juicer, The Hurom Slow Juicer. It rocks.

I decided to bring some stuff to juice at their house so we could check out the new juicer!

Pineapple, cucumber, ginger, mint, and spinach.

It was sooooooooo good!

I have a Champion juicer at home, which I do like very much but since I witnessed the rock star that is the Hurom, I am coveting that one.

This morning I made us some Pineapple Green Juice. Adding mint and ginger to it really elevates the taste and the healing qualities but I was keeping it simple for me and the girls. And, btw, pineapple has groovy anti-inflammatory qualities! Woo hoo!

Pineapple Green Juice

One pineapple (cut off top and skin)

one cucumber (peeled if not organic)

1/3-1/2 head of celery

greens of choice – one morning I used parsley and today I used kale, a few handfuls works great

Juice away!


Baby loved it too!

Do any juicing lately?

Do tell!



The power of having nothing left

This morning at 5:25 am it was clear.

I have nothing left.




My resolve, my patience, my personality, my joie de vive, it’s all gone.

My beautiful daughter, 20 months old, has begun waking at night again and nursing like a wolverine any chance she gets.

I am like a mama of a newborn, walking around like a zombie, snapping at anything and everyone. Except that new mom glow is long, long gone.

AND I feel like I am losing my mind (well, what’s left of it).

Yesterday I was very, very angry at it all.

WHY? WHY? WHY? I kept thinking. I just want to feel ‘normal’ again (and I had as of a few weeks ago, everyone was sleeping great and nursing was down to once or twice a day). I was excited about just about anything and everyone.

Then :::::screeeeeeeech:::::: we travelled, baby got a little virus, and was teething (AGAIN).

Back to waking at night and nursing all the time. And to add insult to injury, my lower back is all mussed up.

My perfectly awesome personality 🙂 cannot handle much sleep deprivation and hormonal flux. So I’ve been a hot mess and completely pissed off at my situation for the past few weeks.

Then this morning, while baby was up again for the third time and crying because I was trying to let her go back to sleep on her own, I thought (and with strong conviction):



It was complete surrender to the situation. I even began to chuckle. It was all actually quite funny.

Then a strong, yet very peaceful resolve came over me. And I decided to take charge (you know, as much as one can ‘take charge’).

No more nursing*. No more going in at night. No more waiting for things to change. And off to the acupuncturist asap so we can get baby a good qi adjustment (mama probably needs one too LOL).

And with my ‘taking charge’ feeling came a feeling of complete surrender. Yes, I am going to take some action but I am at peace with what is. AND I feel strongly about moving on with some things that I have been procrastinating because I have been waiting to feel better, be better, know better, whatever. No more waiting, life will never be perfect. There is never going to be a perfect time to do anything. So I am not waiting another minute (okay, maybe a few days but not much longer!).

Even though I had the worst nights’ sleep EVAH and feel like shit on a stick today, I am so much happier and feel so much lighter than yesterday. I actually felt my back relax a little when I really take a few moments and feel these good (and surrendering) feelings.

So if you are at your wits end with anything, ponder just letting it all go, giving up and being with what is. It seemed to work in this situation (sometimes you are forced into but sometimes I think you can lean into it and really feel and experience it) so maybe it can work in all situations. I’m sure gonna try it.


Lemme know!



*I feel strongly about the importance of long-term nursing (if that works for you) and nursed my older daugher for 2 years. But I am becoming resentful and cranky towards my baby and that seems counter-intuitive. I feel, in my particular case, it is time to stop. Mamas usually know and whatever you decide regarding nursing is often the best for your situation. And sometimes all you can do is what you can do.


Whole Wheat Blueberry Scuffins

Is it a scone?

Is it a muffin?


It’s a scuffin!!!!!

I never baked.

Well, there were the days of the ‘wake and bake’ but that’s a whole nuther story and style of baking altogether.

I did not want to bake because I feared baking ingredients.

I believed that the ingredients used in baking were BAD!

Flour, butter, eggs, sugar.


Yet, I was eating baked goods out of the house because I craved them. And I usually did not eat high quality baked goods and then would feel felt quite crappy all around for doing so.

About a year ago I ceased fearing much of anything and began living a lot more.

Then one day I decided to unabashedly bake something.

I used flour, eggs, sugar, AND butter.

It was fun.

And quite delicious.

It was nice to have baked goods around.

So I kept on bakin’. And was happy to do so because I could control what I put in them and did not always have to make something completely decadent and over-the-top.

Lately, I’ve been baking the scuffin. Scones are too dry IMHO and muffins can be tricky.

I use all organic ingredients, whole wheat, real everything, and not too much sugar.

They are super delish.

Whole Wheat Blueberry Scuffins

2 cups whole wheat flour or flour of choice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup sugar or more if desired
1 teaspoon baking powder
4-5 tablespoons cold butter, cut into pieces
1  cup frozen blueberries (or fresh) or add in of your choice, chocolate chips and walnuts is a good one!
2 large eggs, beaten
1 cup yogurt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

All ingredients used were organic but you can use non organic, of course.

Preheat the oven to 350°F.

Lightly grease a large (or 2 small) baking sheet, or line with parchment.

Whisk the dry ingredients in a bowl. Add the butter and work it into the dry ingredients with your fingers or a food processor just until butter is flecked throughout. Gently mix the blueberries with the dry ingredients.

Stir together the eggs, yogurt, and vanilla extract. Add to the dry ingredients and stir very gently, just until combined.

Scoop 8-10 portions of the mixture onto your baking sheet/sheets. Do not worry about shape or if one has more mixture than the other. Just go for it.  And you can make smaller or larger ones if you’d like. I’m okay with whatever you decide.

Bake the scones for approximately 25 minutes, or until lightly browned and a knife or toothpick inserted into a scuffin comes out dry.

Take off baking sheet and place on wooden cutting board or plate to cool. Or eat right away! 🙂


Let me know if you try them or what your favorite baking treat is!



Connecting to your light

There is a light that is inside each and every one of us and it shines very, very brightly.

Yesterday, I could not connect to this light and I think that is one of the reasons I was so darn cranky.

I picture this light as being an elongated diamond or a tall candle light that shines a very bright, yet soft white light, permeating through us stemming from our core area.

I think I feel crankiest when my outside self, be it my physical body or my mental state, feels so so very far from this light.

Because I have felt and connected with this light many times over the past few years and it feels so good.

And effortless too.

The times I have felt it most is when I have not been doing anything and to be truthful, I wasn’t trying to connect with it at all. A few times it really came out of the blue like the most perfect gift from the universe.

These times of connection brought deep inner peace, a calm sense that all is well, and joy was all around. And life was not any different. There were no outward changes (that one might associate with feeling good like a money windfall, weight loss, a new love, or some sort of material gain). The only thing that had changed was me and my thoughts. The times this came out of the blue, I seemed to have cultivated it by not trying to do anything at all. Seriously, a few times recently I have just stopped. Stopped trying, stopped striving, stopped obsessing about the past and future and just spent time being.

So if you resonate with anything I am saying, just try this.

See what happens if you stop trying so hard. This does not mean you don’t do your best or stop having goals or dreams. But I know for me, I have spent a lot of time in the past few years strangling the universe trying to make things happen. Being desperately attached to outcome, time, and details. When I stopped all that, I actually became more creative and more abundant (especially in the things that mattered). I would not have traded in the peace and joy I felt for anything in the world.

I do get frustrated when this connection gets lost and I feel so far from it. This usually occurs when I begin trying to control everything again and thinking I can make this connection stronger, better, fancier. 🙂 But I will tell you as I will remind myself. Have faith. It is there. We are only human and cannot be in this light 100% of the time. No, I truly believe we cannot in our human state. Does that mean every time we are away from it life sucks? No, we are just living and experiencing the world and as we all know, it’s not always a party. But can we live near this light and spend lots and lots of time bouncing around it? Yes, I know we can. And the more we all believe, breathe, trust, let go, smile, and have some fun, we can spend more time than not with this light we all share, that is for all of us to experience and enjoy.

I truly believe that it is up to you to come up with your own special way to keep your connection strong. Be it mediation, prayer, being in nature, throwing fun parties, spending more time with your kids, being more creative, helping others, just being quiet or all of the above, there is no one way, just your way. And we all deserve it. The world is a much better place with happier people around. And remember, I don’t mean happy, shiny people who no one can relate to. Live your life with all the ups and downs and connect with your light as often as you can.

Please share your thoughts on this and any suggestions you have with connecting with your light and your true self more often.



what to do when you are a cranky b*tch

the beginning of the week was lovely.

the middle of the week has been not as lovely.

what is a gal to do when her intention is to not be so bitchy and to feel more more at peace with the present and with life in general?

i am realizing that just because you have ‘seen the light’ or maybe even rubbed up against it the light, it doesn’t mean that every day is going to be all kittens and roses.

you will have shitty ass days. and that won’t feel good.

like today, i don’t feel good. my spirit is wonky. i feel wonky. i kinda wanna punch someone in the face.

not super spiritual is it?

sometimes you have to just go with the flow and just be. cranky pants and all.

i have tortured myself far too much fighting how i feel. things are always a smidge better when i feel cranky and crappy , don’t fight it so much, and don’t get all crazy town trying to figure out how to get out of this feeling as quick as possible. i always wind up drinking too much coffee, eating too much food, snapping at my kids or my husband. instead of just being and being okay with some crankiness.

i’m so glad i wrote this post to remind myself that it is okay to be cranky and worse to be crankiER and all pissed off that you’re cranky.


with love and crankiness,


My 1.5 Martini Journal Entry

The other night I said to my husband, ‘I’m in the mood for a martini. A dirty, extra olives martini.’

He quickly replied, ‘I’ll head to the store and get some vodka!’

Gee, that took a lot of persuading!

A bit later, as I was making my cocktail, I couldn’t decide if this martini-at-home thing was a very adult thing to do or a very boozy thing to do.

Probably a lil o’ both.

I enjoyed my cocktail, very, very much. It was so yummy that I made a little tiny other one.

After dancing around the house to some Madonna and cleaning up the dinner dishes, I headed to bed to read and check some emails.

All of a sudden I was inspired to write in my journal.

I must’ve had blogging in mind because I wrote it as if I was blogging.

Here is what I wrote:

I have, for as long as I can remember, wanted a new life. ‘Tomorrow,’ I think ‘I will be perfect and so will my life.’

And every time I wake up to the new day, in which, of course, I will be perfect, I am still just ME. 

So I embark on the day







and completely and embarrassingly unable to be ‘perfect.’

But…that has changed. 

Around 5-ish years ago, I began to play with the idea of ‘radical self-acceptance.’

 And by ‘play’ I mean ‘just barely considering’ LOL.

Yet during this time of barely considering there have been gaps. Dare I say PERFECT gaps where life has been amazing. And for no particular reason. It had been as though time stood still during those moments and I was able to see SO VERY CLEARLY how perfect life is. JUST as it IS. Just as I am. Warts and all.

These times have been fleeting, usually lasting a few days or a little over a week but I have experienced them deeply and that is what this blog is about. The journey to the abundance that IS in our every day life. Exactly as it is. 

No changes.

No striving for more.

No wishing otherwise.






Being present in the moment. Being at peace with with what is. Loving all of it (yes, ALL of it). And 100% acceptance and surrender to the now. 

THAT is Everyday Abundance.

Boo Ya.”

Hey not bad for boozy journaling! LOL.

To be truthful, at that point my little buzz was gone but that delish martini must’ve sparked something in me because that shit just flowed out of me! I couldn’t stop writing.

Isn’t there an expression ‘A martini-a-day….’???

Ya, I didn’t think so.

And btw, I wanted to call my blog ‘Everyday Abundance’ but I had used it previously on wordpress and deleted it and all the other versions online were taken.

So it is! 🙂

But the above journal entry really does speak what is in my heart and how I feel and I didn’t want to change it or fabricate how it came to be. I’ve got lots more to share and I look forward to doing so.



I’m back. I think.

No, I am back.

For sure.


I’m gonna blog again and come back online.

I think.


I have been itching to blog (and blog and blog and blog) because, well, I am extroverted and love to share (or overshare as my husband likes to comment).

I tried to start another blog with a spiritual name but all the good ones are taking and ironically the one I had a long time ago, but I deleted so I cannot get it started back up under that name.

This is all so very fascinating, isn’t it?!?!

Anyhoo, I have this site, with my name, so I might as well ‘own it’ as the say.

I probably wanted to hide behind the snazzy spiritual name and not really come out as me, but alas, the universe had other things in mind.

As is always does.

So I’m back as me.

Tagline may stay or change (with my mood lol).

But the gist is that I will be blogging about my journey to be more peaceful, present, loving, and really being my true self. All while having fun and not taking it all too seriously.

Sounds like a tall order but it truly has not been (at least not most days :)) and I look forward to sharing my journey and some stories that will hopefully entertain and provoke thought and discussion.

Thanks for reading and I look forward to hearing your comments, thoughts, experiences and your journey as well.