Who are you comparing yourself to??

I have the absolute worst habit of surfing the ‘net and getting caught up in what others are doing and how I am not doing as well as they are etc etc.

It’s about as low energy as you can get when you are trying to move forward in your life and your business.

I hadn’t really even noticed  I was doing it until the other day when I was comparing myself to these guys:


They just wrapped up a retreat in Costa Rica and are all tanned, fabulous, a bit outrageous, young, care-free, and on a path to help the world be a better place – their way. They are 100% THEM. It is very inspiring to see but I am jealous of the whole idea.

Really??? I thought to myself. I am going THERE!?!? I am a 43 yo SAHM who lives in New England. So just right there is NO comparison. It’s just silly. And a colossal waste of time.

But we can get caught up in these things, and while it is not horrible, it is important to catch it, notice it, and change the energy.

Last year, I went totally offline for a month and off Facebook for six months because of this very issue. Too too TOO much time looking at what OTHERS were doing.

And now, a year later, as I am about to really grow my business, I find myself doing EXACTLY the same thing, this same habit again.

Seems like a bit of self-sabotage, doesn’t it??

So I am backing off a little, less surfing, more focus, and more time doing work for me (so I can focus on helping YOU!!).

Are you comparing yourself to anyone, anything? Your neighbor? Some online person? Some thing that it is unattainable so that it keeps you feeling bad about yourself, keeps you feeling small, keeps you from stepping into who you want to be, OR keeping you from being at peace with who you are and where you are at.

So if you find yourself comparing yourself to anything, stop, check in, and change the energy. Appreciate your surroundings, all your strengths and faults, all the mess, the goodness, the stuff that makes your life rich and real even if it is not always so purdy. And be genuinely HAPPY for those who are doing things you want to do/be/etc. This is a much higher vibration and just feels better than being jealous or feeling bad about yourself. This is what I did with those cute, tanned brothers. I said ‘GOOD FOR THEM!’ And then clicked off their website and focused on what I could do to move forward in that moment.

Have you had similar experiences? Please share them below or share any tips you have to avoid the dreaded comparison trap.




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6 thoughts on “Who are you comparing yourself to??”

  1. Mornin’ A!

    Thanks for this blog cuz it really hit home for me! Since I graduated health coaching school I’ve been struggling with whether or not to open my new business. I’ve let a lot slide, mainly because my connections have all gone away (except for a few who became friends) and thus went my enthusiasm.

    It was recommended we stay “in touch” or “connected” thru social media, so I, like everyone else at the school, began posting on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and all the rest. It soon became clear that rather than gaining clients (which was a good part of this initiative), the many new health coaches were selling their wares to other coaches! What’s up with THAT?!

    We also connected thru the school’s activities, and that was all good information, food sources and recipes, but then I became a “collector” of all that good information. You should see my files in Outlook Express – yikes!! I think there’s enough material in there to write a few books – maybe even 25!!

    Then there’s the personal friends and family with whom I haven’t connected in awhile – I read all their notes and posts. Like you said, it takes so much time that before long, your day has been wasted and gone by. Can’t retrieve it any longer. Sad.

    AND I discovered that while I was doing all that “connecting” and catching up – my website and business were at a standstill. I felt I wasn’t doing enough and like you said, “compared” myself to those younger, more active and busy promoting their businesses. I signed on to many blogs and websites to be “in-the-know” and spent many hundreds of dollars to get the “latest and greatest” information out there. And where did that all get me?? Sitting here crying on a blog post and looking at credit card debt. So foolish. So wasteful. Of course it wouldn’t be if I actually DID something with it~!!

    I’ve been in a funk or mild state of depression since the holiday aftermath and I’m stuck.

    The only reason I’ve not deactivated my social media sites, is I feel then I’ll become totally lost w/o benefit of a support team, which the school says we need in order to move forward.

    Question for you: did you feel after ducking out for 6 months that you lost perspective? That you might not be able to come back with your business and have the connections you use to have? Was it/Is it like starting over from scratch? That’s what I am worried about. . . to begin and then quit, then start up again….wondering what I have lost. Dilemma #365…or whatever!

    Thanks for letting me respond and look forward to your response, as usual. Still a fan 😉
    Dot xoxo

    1. hi dot! i can totally relate 100%. when i deactivated and came back i was totally rejuvenated! it was like a cleanse. so nice! i would love to talk with you about how to get your business going, reach your target market, and do social media YOUR way. email me and we can go from there. you have a lot to share and a great gift, you just need help figuring out how to tie it all together. i can help!

  2. Hi Adrienne!

    I came across your site going through Elizabeth Foley’s website. I had to stop and comment when I saw this post because I can relate completely! I think Facebook is the world of showing off and the world of “have not’s” as well. I know plenty of people who brag about their relationship and post to each other all day getting comments of praise and jealousy, but in reality knowing these people off of Facebook, their real relationship is far from perfect…very different from what people envy online. People tend to either post and show their successes and make everything seem wonderful, and others sometimes tend to do the opposite. What we see on the outside and online about other’s lives isn’t really all there is. So the next time you start to focus on what other people are doing.. stop and think… because what you see isn’t always all there is. The grass is truly not always greener, no matter how green someone tells you their grass is.. haha!

    Nice post! The best you can do is what you said, say “good for them” and don’t dwell on it and focus on your path 🙂

    1. Hi Lisa!
      Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I am glad you enjoyed the post. You bring up very good points about our perception of other people, it usually is NOT exactly what we see. We ‘just’ have to train our brains to not get all caught up in the crap. Agh, slowly but surely this will occur 🙂

      1. I agree. We are programmed by the media in my opinion to “want” what others have…. We always put on a front for others for one reason or another.. To be liked, admired, envied, etc. Not everyone of course, it’s just an overgeneralization. Just remember what you see isn’t the total story and then focus on something positive about yourself to redirect those negative emotions. Believe me.. easier said than done. I can tell you to do this, but honestly I do the same things and get caught up. I guess it takes time 🙂

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